Conditional Love and Relationships
What is the reason that we are losing faith in our relationships today? Why there are so many conflicts in all these relationships? Why we get hurt in relations? We all want to have a healthy relationship but they keep breaking. Today, almost everyone have similar questions in their mind.
Actually, we all have set so many expectations in our relationships. Whenever we receive love less than we expected, we feel dissatisfied. Additionally, we have forced so many conditions for a perfect relationship. Until those conditions met, we do not want to accept them. When conditions break, relationships break.
“We mistakenly assume that if our partners love us they will react and behave in certain ways – the ways we react and behave when we love someone.” ~ John Gray
Check any relationship today. You will find them full of conditions. These conditions may not be direct but they exist somewhere in our mind. If I am doing this to you, you should also do that for me. If I love you so much, you should love me that much too.
In a parent child relationship, it is parent expectations that take form of conditional love. If a child is doing everything as per parent expectation, they will love them. If another child is not doing so, he is not that lovable.
“Assumptions are the termites of relationships.” ~ Henry Winkler
In an anniversary, if a husband gives a precious gift to his wife, he is a good husband. If he is not able to do so, he does not love her. What a poor parameter to judge the love.
Suppose I threw a party on my birthday last month for my best friends. Now when one of my friends have birthday, I will expect him to throw a similar party at-least. If he fails to do so, he is not my good friend.
Relationship or Business:
What we are doing with our relationships? We put condition on our relationship to give a return of 100% or more. Are they relationships or some kind of business?
True relationships do not have conditions. It may be your friend, husband, wife, mother or father. Nobody is perfect in this world. Accept the people as they are. So do not force others to do everything like a superman. It is all right if they are not good at something. Indeed, you can help them making better but you cannot force them.
“When men and women are able to respect and accept their differences then love has a chance to blossom.” ~ John Gray
Never make relationships based on conditions. Never expect too much from relationships. Too much expectations hurt both side.
Never be a beggar of love:
Today everyone is hungry for love, but we are not able to find it anywhere. Why you beg for love in relationships? What can we do? Look inside. You are full of love. It is rather good to give than to ask for love.
“Intense love does not measure, it just gives.” ~ Mother Teresa
Be rich. Give and spread a lot of love to people around you. Never wait so long to express how much you love them. Most importantly, Love unconditionally.
Work on the advice that you give to others:
It is easy to give advice but difficult to follow. We think ourselves as masters when give advice to others. Before giving an advice, first think if you are following it. In relationships, we always want to change others. It is very easy to see faults of others but it takes courage to check ourselves. We often close our eyes when it comes to our faults.
If you want to make any relationship better, start from yourself. It is not just, what you say and do to others, but what you think for others is also important. Each of our thoughts creates vibrations. These vibrations set the pitch of our relationship. Make sure you are full of positive vibrations.
Remember: You have your choice and they have their:
Everyone has his or her part in relationship. If one is not playing his part, it is his decision and how you want to respond is yours. Do not just react. If someone misbehaves you, it does not mean that you have to do it too. Do not just get derived by their actions.
I would like to recall my recent happening. In my office, I was going to fill my water bottles from cafeteria. Being little lazy, my friend asked me to fill his bottle as well. I denied him by making excuse that my both hands already occupied. He said that it is ok.
Next day, I asked him to do same thing. He took my bottle and brought it for me. I asked him that he could do the same what I did to him. He said beautifully, “I take care of you (person) more than that event. It was your choice to not to do that for me. I have my own choice to do it. I do not care you just because you care me.”
Most of the relationships break just because we just react to others. Use your head. Rather than react, Re-think and Act.
“Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something. They’re trying to find someone who’s going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take.” ~ Anthony Robbins
Article Inspired from BK Shivani Lecturers